Goodbye, My Beloved Boy

IMG_0144

Ten and a half years ago, on February 4th, you showed up at our doorstep, exhausted, confused, matted of hair and smelling like a skunk. You were strikingly beautiful then, and you remained strikingly beautiful until the moment we said goodbye, July 18th, 2016, at 12:20pm.

Everyone always stopped us and asked about you. Forever thought you were a puppy. Turns out that scoring a Chow Chow/Golden Retriever parentage is like winning the Handsome Lottery. Once, when your dad was walking you and your brother (‘Lexxercising’), a woman said, “Your dog is so cute, what kind is he?” and when your dad asked which of his dogs she was referring to, she responded, “The cute one.” That made me so mad back then, but it makes me smile now. Because, of course. You were the Most Beautiful Ever. No one could compete.

Once, when I was walking you, and man yelled out, “Oh my God…how do you get ANYTHING done with a face like that around?” I swelled with pride and told him that I did spent most of my time staring at your gorgeous mug and accomplishing shit.

Kids would whisper, “Awww….look at that dog…” and stop and stare at you as you passed by.

You were ours. We were so blessed.

And we knew it. Almost every time I passed you, I whispered that I loved you. I have no doubt that you knew how much you were loved, and that gives me so much warmth and comfort. You were our Lexx 3000, our Lexxie Lou, our Chewy Louie Pumpkin Pie, our Sweet Lou, our Lou Bear, our Sexy Lexxie.

I know for certain that you will always be my favorite dog, ever.

Almost every time I left the house, you would walk me to the door, stare at me, and look confused. ‘Why was I leaving my pack again? Why would anyone ever leave their pack?’ I wish I could have stayed home with you every minute of your life. Because having you gone, knowing that I will never see your face or hug your soft neck or give you your beloved booty scratch, is truly the saddest thing I have ever felt to date. Because I loved you with every millimeter of my heart.

You had not a mean bone in your body. You were such a pure, golden, sweet, shy spirit.

You loved every other dog you met, except one. Ever. You were cautious with strangers, but the joy on our friends’ faces when they finally, mercifully, got to pat your beautiful head (sometimes after months of trying) was really moving. No small feat.

You were so pure of heart. You had so much joy. You used to run around the pool after dinner, wanting to be chased. If your brother wouldn’t do it, we would. Just like a puppy, right up to the end.

Your decline was so fast, it shocked all of us. On Saturday, we received a phone call with confirmation that the masses in your kidney and lungs were indeed cancerous. On Monday, you took your last breath out by our pool, surrounded by your dad, your brother, your mom, and a wonderful vet and her assistant. They cried, too; they had only met you thirty minutes earlier, but they wept for you and for us. They were an enormous blessing, and provided exactly what we needed at our most difficult time. Afterwards, they placed your perfect body in their car and drove away with you. But that was no longer you, your dad said. You were here with us, and that is where you now remain; just in spirit now, not in body. But we will take what we can get.

I hope with all my heart that you didn’t suffer for a second, my sweet boy. You deserved everything that is best in this life because you were everything that was best in our lives.

I go outside and sit at the spot where you took your last breath. I like to look at the beautiful view you had as you left this world for the next. You chose that spot to die. I held your paw (your adorable little hoof) with one hand, and your brother’s with my other. I have never seen your dad so utterly shattered. Your passing has brought us closer together. Thank you for that. We talk about you all the time. You were just a dog, but it turns out that a dog is Everything that is beautiful and bright and good in this world. In our world.

Your brother had a freak out this week where he hurt his paw and ran around screaming bloody murder for what seemed like an eternity.  I thought we were going to lose him, too. Maybe he had an accident that no one saw. Maybe he was expressing his grief in his own way. The thing is, we all miss you. Your eternal puppy face, your soft floppy ears with a chunk missing from a run in with a doberman, your deep and warm brown eyes, your adorable ‘hooves’, your lion’s mane, your purple Chow tongue, your dog smile, your eyeliner, your long brown lashes, your terrible breath, even.

Before you, I had never known the love, joy and loyalty that came from dog companionship. I often joked that I wanted to sue my parents because I didn’t grow up with dogs. But now that I know the pain of losing such a pure spirit, I understand how much pain they spared me. I don’t know if I could have handled such a loss when I was a child.

Your pack misses you terribly. Your pack cannot believe how much we loved you. Your pack has never lived in this house without you and doesn’t want to start now. Your pack can barely enter a room, 5 days later, without looking for you. We see you everywhere, in every inch of this big house, by the pool, at the dog park, at our beloved Griffith Park, in our cars, in many doors and drawers we open. We see you in the sad eyes of our friends and neighbors who loved you, too.

Your pack had to flee the house this week for the comforts of the beach to get away from the void you left. But, we discovered that we couldn’t run from our grief.

So we will try to embrace it and live through it and celebrate you as much as we mourn you.

Your pack wants to thank you for 10 and a half years of love and loyalty and best friendship, of hunger strikes and nervous shaking fits, of happy sneezes and Lexxercise.  The good and the less than good. Thank you for showing up at our doorstep late one February night and choosing us as your family. It was truly an honor and a privilege. We really hope we did right by you, Lexxie Lou. Because you sure did right by us.

Posted in Uncategorized

What To Expect When Working With an Interior Designer. At least this one.

Hello. I thought it might be handy to put together a document that explains in detail the process of working with me. Intrigued? Read on. Maybe we can work together someday and create spaces that will blow minds.

I’m afraid that this is not a funny post; in fact, it may put you immediately to sleep. In which case, you’re welcome…. because, as humans, we need at least 7 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. Unless you are me, and if you get less than 8 turn into a Monster Beast who just can’t deal.

JULIE MAIGRET DESIGN / DESIGN PROCESS

CONSULTATION

  • For our initial complimentary consultation, I will tour your space and we will discuss the scope of your project, how you would like each room to function, the general look/feel you are going for, your time frame, and your budget.
  • We will also discuss your likes and dislikes, general style preferences, and, if pertinent, your brand. I will touch on some basic ideas for the space and see if our vision lines up.
  • The consultation generally lasts about 1 hour. 

LETTER OF AGREEMENT

  • After our initial meeting, upon deciding we would like to partner, I will send you a Letter of Agreement, detailing the services I will be providing, as well as the hourly rate for these services. I work strictly on an hourly fee basis, versus a fixed fee basis. Once it is signed, we can officially begin your project.
  • The Hourly Fee includes time spent:
    • commuting to job site; commute time will be predetermined in Letter of Agreement
    • in face-to-face meetings
    • at job site measuring, photographing, installing, etc
    • in phone conversation and correspondence, including emails and texts
    • drafting Furniture Plans, Concept Boards, Status Updates and Budgets
    • on-line researching and shopping
    • traveling to, and shopping in, stores

STAGE 1

  • Next, I will make an on-site visit to take detailed measurements and photographs of the rooms being included in the project. If you have existing architectural plans you can provide, this is much preferred and can save a lot of time in the design process.
  • I will also request from you a detailed budget, which must be provided before concepting begins.
  • After the measurements have been secured, Furniture Plans will be drafted for each room; these will give an idea of the size, type and placement of furniture that will best fit into each room. Furniture Plans will also assure that there is ample space between each piece of furniture to allow foot traffic to easily flow through the room. Unless otherwise discussed, 2 options for Furniture Plans will be provided and the one of your choosing will represent the Final Furniture Plan.
  • Furniture Plans will be emailed for your review, or, if you prefer, we can review them in person.
  • After a Furniture Plan has been selected, I will begin developing Concept Boards that will show options for the theme and color scheme for each room, and show individual selections for furniture, art, and lighting that fit within your budget.  Unless otherwise discussed, 3-4 options for Concept Boards will be provided for each room, and the one of your choosing will be developed into the Final Concept Board for that room. The Final Concept Board will depict either the exact or similar furniture, art, and lighting that will be purchased for the room. It will also include accessories that complement the furniture chosen.
  • The creation of Concept Boards is an involved process that requires a solid amount of research, as your tastes, lifestyle, needs and budget are all considered for every item presented. This process can take up to 4-5 hours for each Concept Board provided.
  • Please keep in mind that any changes in the design direction that occur after the Concept Boards are presented will result in a redesign of the Concept Boards, and occur additional hours of concepting.
  • Concept Boards can be emailed for your review, but it’s preferable that they be presented in person so the thought process and choices behind each Board can be best explained.
  • The Final Concept Board will represent a complete design concept that you have approved for execution, and will take us to Stage 2.

STAGE 2

  • Now it is time to start purchasing approved items for installation. Before any items are purchased, you will receive an email confirmation, requesting your approval. The email will detail the item(s) to be purchased along with all known additional costs such as tax and shipping. No items will be purchased without your written approval.

STAGE 3

  • It is now time to start the installation process; this is where all our planning is put into action.
  • The furnishings and accessories are being delivered and placed, lighting is being installed, and art is being hung – bringing the Final Concept Boards to life.
  • Once we have completed the purchase and installation of all items, the project will come to a close.

PHOTOGRAPHING THE SPACE

  • Once the space is completed, I may request to have it photographed for my portfolio. This is covered under the Letter of Agreement presented at the beginning of the project.
  • Some additional accessories such as flowers and plants may be temporarily brought in for the shoot to make the space optimally photogenic. 
  • I will, of course, schedule the shoot for a time that is convenient to you and will make every attempt to make the process as seamless and non-invasive as possible.

GENERAL INFORMATION

  • Billing for hours and items purchased on your behalf will occur on a monthly basis; payment for all invoices are due within 30 days.
  • Please be aware that, depending on the size and scope of the design, and the clients’ decision-making process, most projects take a few to several months to install and complete.
Posted in Uncategorized

Bestest Beauty Products From Someone Who Doesn’t Consider Herself High Maintenance But Probably Is

Sometimes things live up to the hype. Like that time I met Jonathan Adler through a friend and he was super nice and funny and took my hand and told me I was “hilarious”.

Isn't he glorious??

Isn’t he glorious?

Whenever I doubt my self worth or talent, I look at myself in the mirror, give myself the double finger guns and say, “Hey, Julie Maigret – do you think Jonathan Adler tells EVERYONE they’re hilarious?”

Herein, I have compiled a list of products that also live up to the hype. Because we all need a little help, yes? For example, most of us fantasize that we look like this when we wake up:

Yeah...no.

Yeah…no.

 …but probably lean more towards this:

Sigh.

Sigh.

You guys, I strongly suspect that not even Kate Moss looks like Kate Moss in the morning.

So here are some products that might help you look less like that scary-as-shit girl from The Ring, who has haunted my dreams since 2002, until that Rubber Man from American Horror Story took her place circa 2011. 

Urban Decay Mascara

This.

I usually only wear mascara when I think there is a remote possibility that I might run into Timothy Olyphant or Jamie Dornan. And if you doubt I will ever run into these guys, please note that my friend recently sat next to Dornan at a restaurant and was offered one of his fries. What a mensch!

Anyway, special occasions. I usually only wear mascara on special occasions. And I have tried tons of different kinds of mascara, and spent enough money on them to put at least one of my dogs through college.

But none of them really lived up to their promises, know what I mean? Lies, all lies.

Until I tried Urban Decay’s Supercurl Curling Mascara. Notice that it has an average rating of 5 stars…out of 5. I AM RIGHT AGAIN.

It’s just perfection. It’s a rich, dark black, curls lashes instead of weighing them down, and lasts for hours. I don’t know how they do it. Black magic?

Beauty Blender

Beauty Blender

Beauty Blender

This little gem received so much hype and publicity, that I finally decided to try it. And it is amazing. I can’t believe I lived without it for so long – I must have been hideous…how could you all even look at me? I’m so sorry. Anyway, it blends your foundation so perfectly, it’s weird. Again with the Black Magic.

Just make sure you wash it after you use it; every single time.

Marvis Toothpaste

First, lets get this fact out of the way: this toothpaste costs $10 – $13 a tube. If you feel like it’s not quite snotty enough for you, the Marvis website (it has its own website) calls it “Contemporary Toothpaste”. It’s made in Italy, and their website further boasts: “Marvis stands out on account of its trendy image with an increasingly up-to-date, original and ironic flavor, inspired by the art and fashion worlds, capable of capturing and involving a spellbound public, who is curious and open-minded.”

I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING THIS TOOTHPASTE.

But they’re actually right. Its delicious. It’s also very pretty. I’ve been tempted to serve it to dinner guests for dessert.

But it's so beautiful...

But it’s so beautiful…

Note: I whole heartedly endorse the Strong Mint, the Whitening, and the Cinnamon Mint. Avoid the Aquatic Mint, because, for some reason, it tastes like minty rotting cantaloup.

Oral-B Precision Black 7000 Rechargeable Electric Toothbrush

To go along with your new toothpaste, here is a dapper, bad ass electric toothbrush.

It’s got 6 brushing modes that make you feel like you’ve had a professional cleaning at your handsome dentist’s office.

This puts other electric toothbrushes to shame. It’s so powerful, it’s scary. It even includes different color-coded brushes so you can share with family members. Even though there is a strong chance that your significant other will insist his is red. AGAIN. THE RED ONE IS MINE.

It even has a tongue cleaning mode, that will put your gag reflexes to the ultimate test. I love/hate it.

 Bumble & Bumble Dry Shampoo

Okay, this stuff has its good points and its bad points.

It absorbs oil and adds volume to your ‘do. A lot of volume. We’re talking Betty Draper-level volume. Do not up-do without this prize of a product!

Birdie.

Birdie.

But….it makes your roots white.  Sad, but true. But then again, it’s technical name is White Hair Powder. (pause for effect.) So make sure you just add it to the under layers of your hair, and tousle it really well, like you’re in this awesome Pantene commercial.

At least the white version (for blondes) makes your hair white…not sure about how the other colors work, for darker hair, but the reviews are divided and controversial. Danger! Intrigue!

I’ve tried other brands but they smell bad and make me sneeze like I’m allergic to my own head. Which, in this case, I am.

It’s a bit pricey and the bottle doesn’t last too long, and if you use it too often,  it can be drying on your hair….but we are often made to suffer for beauty, so there’s no use adding this to the long list of things I am crying about these days. 

But be forewarned; you may never wash your hair again, and that’s gross.

Go forth and be beautiful and broke, my friends. At least we don’t have to wear corsets anymore.

Screw this.

Screw this.

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Posted in Beauty, Favorite Finds, Uncategorized

Sleep Together. More Soundly.

When we go on vacation, we like to bring something back from our trip that reminds us of what an amazing time we had. Usually, it’s in the form of a 5-7 pound weight gain, but sometimes, it’s much much better than even that.

Take Germany. Did you know that in that gorgeous country of fine automobiles, Oktoberfests and German Shepherds that they have absolutely perfected the fine art of sharing a bed with another person?

It’s called “European Style” and/or “Scandinavian Style” and it is PRETTY MUCH THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR RELATIONSHIP EVER.

The “European Style” bed consists of a fitted sheet (natch), and 2 fluffy down duvets… with no top sheet. Yes, that’s right. No. Top. Sheet. Completely wipe the concept of a top sheet out of your collective brains because you don’t need it anymore. Keep the pillows, though. You still need those.

First, what this looks like, as depicted by some fine European Hotels, and perhaps my own bed:

Art'otel Berlin

Art’otel Berlin

Art’Otel Berlin

This is how WE do it

This is how WE do it 2

This is how WE do it 2

Brilliant, yes?

There’s no more fighting with your partner for your share of the covers: you will both sleep more soundly because you are each ensconced in your very own cloud of down perfection, and therefore much less likely to wake each other up from a sound sleep if you have your own covers.

This might even reduce the need for marital counseling. And most definitely would result in less blanket-related murder/suicides across the board. In fact, I may win the Nobel Peace Prize for introducing this to America. And it would be well deserved, my friends.

These 2 kids might have remained intact for more than 3 Seasons if they did it up European style.

These 2 kids might have remained intact for more than 3 Seasons if they did it up European Style. Photo courtesy of Mad Men. The best show ever.

Here are some tips to converting your boring old American bed to Europe’s Finest: invest in a set of super soft high quality duvets, as well as some light and fluffy down or down alternative (achoo) comforters. We have a King bed, and, fresh from our enlightening trip to Germany, sprung for two twin sized duvets and super light comforters from Scandia Home. And an organic fitted sheet and pillowcases from Coyochi that, frankly, tend to be a bit scratchy at first. But once you start reading about the amount of chemicals they put into non-organic bedding, you will decide to suck it up. I highly recommend hitting up one of Scandia Home’s epic sales for some serious discounts on bedding that you will keep for years and years. Totally worth it.

Side note: if you have kids who like to eat blueberries in your bed or dogs who like to jump right from a mud puddle directly onto your bed, or any combination of these two, you have my hearty encouragement to go the cheap route.

My bed's worst nightmare.

My bed’s worst nightmare.

If you’re like me, and turn into a raving lunatic when unnecessarily roused from a deep sleep, this is the jam for you.  If you’re also like me, and “cuddling time is for cuddling and sleeping time is for sleeping” then this is a perfect set up.

I’m guessing by now most of your are (even more) happy you are not married to me. But this girl likes her sleep and makes no apologies for it. So trust me:

Two duvets = 1 Happy Relationship. I promise.

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Posted in Bedding, Favorite Finds, Uncategorized

S’well Indeed.

Everywhere I go, people ask me about my groovy water bottle. 

Photo from Swellbottle.com

If I were in a magazine, in a feature entitled “Things Julie Maigret Can’t Live Without”, one of my items would be this beauty. Yes, that list, like every other one of its kind, would no doubt cause you to roll your eyes, but hey, you are probably just jealous that you’re not in a magazine like I am. 

I am pretty sure that once you own one, you will spend the first few days walking around  with your hands in the air, asking the universe, “HOW DO THEY DO IT??”

What is so special about a S’well bottle? Um, everything. 

  • It’s gorgeous.
  • It keeps your drinks cold for 24 hours and hot for 12.
  • It keeps your drinks cold for 24 hours and hot for 12. That was worth repeating.
  • It’s BPA and toxin free.
  • It’s made with non-leaching and non-toxic 18/8 stainless steel. That sounds pretty badass.
  • The bottle causes no metallic taste.
  • It’s unbreakable.
  • All sizes fit in your car cup holder.
  • Available in 9oz, 17oz and 25oz sizes.
  • The biggest size fits an entire bottle of wine. And keeps it cold. Holla.
  • It’s “Responsibly Made In China”. Not sure what that means, but I am choosing to be happy about it
  • No condensation collects on the outside.
  • Free shipping on all U.S. orders.
  • They give a portion of proceeds to charities.
  • And last but certainly not least, 60 million plastic water bottles are used every day in the US. I say we need to do our part to lower that number significantly, and, damn it,  we should look handsome doing it.

Photo from Swellbottle.com

Photo from Swellbottle.com

I can personally recommend the Wood Collection (first photo in post). But don’t purchase the Teakwood if we are going to be in the same yoga or dance class or go on a road trip together, because things could get confusing.

Lastly, S’well has been getting a lot of well deserved press lately, so if you want to be on the cutting edge, you should move fast. Be a pioneer in hydrating responsibly and stylishly. 

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Posted in Favorite Finds, Uncategorized

That Time I Discovered I Am No Defender Of Women.

Last week, I went to Largo at the Coronet to see “Sarah Silverman & Friends”. 

Which really should have been called “Sarah Silverman & The Same Friends As The Last Time You Went A Few Months Ago, With Mostly The Same Jokes.” But that’s obviously too long. 

Largo is a pretty cool, small venue for seeing great comedy acts. And they’d better be great to offset the fact that there is ALWAYS a coil from their decrepit old seats jabbing me in the ass when I’m there.

Coils.

2 hours of this shit.

But this is the story of Sarah’s friend, who I will just call “Angry White Male Comedian” because I am too afraid of him to name him here. 

This is not him. But almost as scary.

He started the set out fine. Because he is actually really funny. Did a bit about how he hates when people say things that begin with “Back in my day…” For example, how people say, “Back in my day, men used to hold doors open for women’”…and he’s like, “Yeah, but you didn’t want them to vote.”

Old timey people.

Old timey people.

Pretty funny. Pretty pro-women. So far so good. 

But…then he noticed a woman in the front row looking at her phone. And he just WENT OFF on her. Screaming.

He was like that time when Jen from I.T. Crowd had PMS and she turned into a monster.

You should totally watch this show.

You should totally watch this show.

Gotta hand it to the woman and her friend for getting up and scurrying out, as he screamed at their backs. In front of 280 people. 

Um. Super weird. 

And then he noticed two other women in the front row who were “looking at him weird” and “not smiling.” And he WENT OFF them, too, for what felt like HOURS. “Don’t come to a show and sit in the front row and not laugh at anything…if you were a nice person, you’d at least put a smile on your face to be polite.”

And then how “Everyone in the crowd must agree, because no one is defending you.”

Nope, we don’t agree…we’re just too terrified to do anything about it.

How we should have looked at this comedy show:

Not us.

Not us.

How we actually looked at this comedy show:

Technically, not us either. But closer.

It was like being trapped in a small theater during a raging fire. A raging fire that was coming out of someone’s mouth.

If this was part of his act, it was not funny. Terrifying, yes. Funny, no. Seething. Spitting. Red faced. Face Veins bulging. I don’t think I’d have been surprised if he started peeing on them.

… or had a misogynist-fueled heart attack: I couldn’t help but notice that all his targets were women who were there without male companions, and I seriously doubt if he would have attacked them if there was a male there who might have stood up for them.

Like I didn’t do.

I fantasized about standing up from my seat and asking him what makes it okay to scream at and berate women like that?  And, are you telling me that not one man in the audience had checked his phone or poker-faced during the show? And…how is this much different from not wanting women to vote?

I envied the people who found the courage to stand up and leave the theater during this bullshit. If my friends and I were sitting at the end of the aisle, we would have been among them. But climbing over 10 people to make my dramatic exit seemed pretty anti-climactic. And too vulnerable to the fire-breather.

So I just sat there.

I have discovered, sadly, that I am no defender of women.

Me = nothing in common with this woman.

I have no idea how he ended the set without having a heart attack. My friends and I could not get out of the theater fast enough. We stood outside and talked about how we were all probably going to have PTSD. We’re kind of dramatic. 

Then I came home and googled him, and it turns out that he actually had a heart attack on stage, while performing at that SAME SHOW at that SAME VENUE a few years ago.

That’s how bad it was. Heart Attack Bad.

So for now on, I’m gonna stick with “Demetri Martin & Friends” and “Hannibal Buress & Friends”. Hilarious. Both seem to like women.

And, most importantly, they don’t make me feel bad about myself.

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Posted in comedy shows, Uncategorized

Everything You Think You Know About Chick(pea)s Is Wrong.

These cookies are so good, they might cause you to question everything you know about baking, flour, Veganism, and possibly life itself.

Eating Whole's Chickpea Chocolate Chip Cookies

Eating Whole’s Chickpea Chocolate Chip Cookies. Photo by Eating Whole.

Even YOU wouldn’t be able to tell these cookies are mostly comprised of garbanzo beans. They would even fool my dad, who has a sixth sense about being bullshitted into eating anything too healthy.

My Dad. Major bullshit detecter.

I started writing this post before I even ate one. The raw dough alone is reason enough to make you want to quit your job and go live under the porch of Cafe Gratitude

Cafe Gratitude in LA.

Cafe Gratitude in LA.

Here’s the recipe. I substituted real chocolate chips with Sunspire Vegan Carob Chips so my lactose intolerant husband could eat some and I wouldn’t get too fat. But I am 100% certain that they’d be better with real chocolate chips because WHO ARE WE KIDDING?

Sunspire Vegan Carob Chips

Sunspire Vegan Carob Chips.

I got them at Whole Foods, a place that white people like me REALLY like.

I cannot say enough about the Eating Whole blog. It’s spectacular. And so inspiring. Special thanks to Rachel Thurston for bringing it to my attention. Rachel is equally spectacular and inspiring. Check out her mad photography and writing skills and be prepared to be moved deeply. But try not to make her talent make you feel too badly about yourself. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep with jealousy.

I use these cool tissues.

But back to the cookies. Actually, the raw cookie dough is better than the finished product. And I am not even a huge fan of raw cookie dough. Kinda like how I feel about The West Wing, I can take it or leave it. Mostly leave it. 

When you bite into one, they’ll make you channel your Inner Clay Davis.

I’m not saying they will make you forget ‘real’ chocolate chip cookies forever…but these have protein, people! And are gluten free and (can be easily made) vegan.

If you need any more inspiration to try this recipe, check out the feelings of longing they inspired in Pico. 

"It's so not fair that I can't have any fucking cookies."

“It’s so not fair that I can’t have any fucking cookies.”

That should be enough to get you to embrace the chickpea. 

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Posted in Food, Recipes
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