That Time I Discovered I Am No Defender Of Women.

Last week, I went to Largo at the Coronet to see “Sarah Silverman & Friends”. 

Which really should have been called “Sarah Silverman & The Same Friends As The Last Time You Went A Few Months Ago, With Mostly The Same Jokes.” But that’s obviously too long. 

Largo is a pretty cool, small venue for seeing great comedy acts. And they’d better be great to offset the fact that there is ALWAYS a coil from their decrepit old seats jabbing me in the ass when I’m there.

Coils.

2 hours of this shit.

But this is the story of Sarah’s friend, who I will just call “Angry White Male Comedian” because I am too afraid of him to name him here. 

This is not him. But almost as scary.

He started the set out fine. Because he is actually really funny. Did a bit about how he hates when people say things that begin with “Back in my day…” For example, how people say, “Back in my day, men used to hold doors open for women’”…and he’s like, “Yeah, but you didn’t want them to vote.”

Old timey people.

Old timey people.

Pretty funny. Pretty pro-women. So far so good. 

But…then he noticed a woman in the front row looking at her phone. And he just WENT OFF on her. Screaming.

He was like that time when Jen from I.T. Crowd had PMS and she turned into a monster.

You should totally watch this show.

You should totally watch this show.

Gotta hand it to the woman and her friend for getting up and scurrying out, as he screamed at their backs. In front of 280 people. 

Um. Super weird. 

And then he noticed two other women in the front row who were “looking at him weird” and “not smiling.” And he WENT OFF them, too, for what felt like HOURS. “Don’t come to a show and sit in the front row and not laugh at anything…if you were a nice person, you’d at least put a smile on your face to be polite.”

And then how “Everyone in the crowd must agree, because no one is defending you.”

Nope, we don’t agree…we’re just too terrified to do anything about it.

How we should have looked at this comedy show:

Not us.

Not us.

How we actually looked at this comedy show:

Technically, not us either. But closer.

It was like being trapped in a small theater during a raging fire. A raging fire that was coming out of someone’s mouth.

If this was part of his act, it was not funny. Terrifying, yes. Funny, no. Seething. Spitting. Red faced. Face Veins bulging. I don’t think I’d have been surprised if he started peeing on them.

… or had a misogynist-fueled heart attack: I couldn’t help but notice that all his targets were women who were there without male companions, and I seriously doubt if he would have attacked them if there was a male there who might have stood up for them.

Like I didn’t do.

I fantasized about standing up from my seat and asking him what makes it okay to scream at and berate women like that?  And, are you telling me that not one man in the audience had checked his phone or poker-faced during the show? And…how is this much different from not wanting women to vote?

I envied the people who found the courage to stand up and leave the theater during this bullshit. If my friends and I were sitting at the end of the aisle, we would have been among them. But climbing over 10 people to make my dramatic exit seemed pretty anti-climactic. And too vulnerable to the fire-breather.

So I just sat there.

I have discovered, sadly, that I am no defender of women.

Me = nothing in common with this woman.

I have no idea how he ended the set without having a heart attack. My friends and I could not get out of the theater fast enough. We stood outside and talked about how we were all probably going to have PTSD. We’re kind of dramatic. 

Then I came home and googled him, and it turns out that he actually had a heart attack on stage, while performing at that SAME SHOW at that SAME VENUE a few years ago.

That’s how bad it was. Heart Attack Bad.

So for now on, I’m gonna stick with “Demetri Martin & Friends” and “Hannibal Buress & Friends”. Hilarious. Both seem to like women.

And, most importantly, they don’t make me feel bad about myself.

Julie Townsend Maigret is a Los Angeles-based interior designer focused on creating distinct, modern, livable spaces for her clients. She started her business in 2007 after attending UCLA’s interior design program. She has since developed a portfolio of thoughtful, comfortable, and often quirky residential and commercial interiors.

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